I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me. I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don’t believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind. I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
You are not in this world to live up to other people’s expectations, nor should you feel the world must live up to yours.
This city I live in does not understand the concept of being both female to male, and still having an attraction to me. They attempt to pair me with biological women, although we may have some similarities girls are better at arms length. I don’t want to lead them on or her them. I also don’t want to date them out of desperation since in all honesty I don’t get male attention even though I’m attracted to them. With the looks of a younger twink, I get older men, some perverts some just lonely but you know what? I’m still holding out hope, for a man that without a stutter can see the real me, the male me, the kind me, the smart me, the beautifully handsome me. The man that can see behind the clothes and can look into my large eyes and speak confidently when they say, “I Love YOU” I haven’t found that man, no matter what his orientation who love me fully. Some how, I still keep hoping.